Chapter 3: Dib's Journal (1 day ago)

I'd just come back from my investigative encounter with the city's local werewolf, and was pretty scratched up as a result of it. There'd been a special done on Mysterious Mysteries about it the day before: A woman woke up one night to find a big wolflike creature outside her window. It was growling and scratching at the sheet glass. Taste for human? Maybe. Or it could've been a male werewolf that wanted to tell the woman he loved her. Or maybe he just wanted the bologna sandwich under her pillow, as the woman herself had suggested. "HE'LL NEVER GET MAH SANDWICH!" she'd screamed, chomping down on it pointedly.

Anyway, since I had nothing better to do I went to see for myself. After much snapping of pictures in the direction of every rustling noise in the city park where it'd last been sighted and following its tracks with my custom DNA tracking device halfway across the metropolitan area, I discovered its lair: a sewer behind a McMeaties restaurant...

Long story short, I lost yet another camera, tore up my trench-coat and barely escaped with my life - in fact, if I hadn't thrown it that taco... I don't want to know what would have happened to me. My adrenaline rush ran out on me about a block from my house, and I then had to drag myself the rest of the way inside and to my room. I hadn't been bitten, but werewolf nails aren't exactly the most hygienic thing to get slashed by. I should've tended to my wounds first, but the excitement about my discovery was overwhelming. Tired as I was, I pulled out my laptop from under my bed, plugged it in, and sent a transmission signal to the Swollen Eyeballs Network.

I knew I shouldn't have bothered. I knew my credibility had hit rock bottom and been thrown a shovel after the last time I called them up to witness Zim's evil only to have a perfectly normal scene on the screen by the time they looked... But if I could just get them to go down there so they could see for themselves! The wolfman's lair had to be proof enough! Then they'd see! They'd see and know I'm not crazy... WHY WON'T THEY SEE?!

I slammed my fists down on the keyboard. Busy signal. There are only a handful of members in the Swollen Eyeball Network. Even if we were all online at once it'd be nowhere near enough to cause the server to overload. I was being blocked and I knew it.

I shut down the laptop and walked past the bathroom, downstairs and across the living room. We didn't have any more iodine in the bathroom, but I knew Dad kept plenty handy in his lab. Sometimes I can't believe some of the bizarre things he likes to experiment with - of course, nothing could be stranger than Zim's laser weasels. I hate those weasels.

Anyway, I knew my father didn't like to be distracted from his work. Last time I burst in unannounced to ask him if I could borrow one of his inventions to stop Zim, it had taken a whole week and most of the next to remove all the blasted radiation from the lab... and ourselves. So I came in quietly, tip-toeing down the stairs and headed for the cabinet that held the medical supplies. What I was looking for was easily found. Iodine in hand, I'd started to leave when I heard my father's voice.

"I just don't know what else to do with that boy," Dad grumbled. "I've tried being patient with him! Real Science knows I've tried, but he just won't listen to reason! At first I hoped it might just be some silly phase he was going through, yet he still insists that a yeti was responsible for the incident with the belt sander... my poor insane son!"

I've heard my father talking to himself about me like this before. I pretend I hadn't heard anything. He'd get over himself once he had another new project to immerse himself in and forget that me and Gaz and the world outside his lab existed. I know I've disappointed him by not living up to his expectations, but I decided long ago that forcing myself to change for him just wasn't worth it. I tried it once, but... I can't see myself doing what he does for the rest of my life. This is the life I chose to lead and I'm the one who has to live with it.

I was just about to leave so I could start forgetting already, when another voice responded. "Uh-huh. He's hopeless, Dad. Can't we just trade him in for a hamster or something?"

It was Gaz's voice! Now that I was listening for it, I could make out the faint beeping and clicking of her GameSlave console buttons. I made my way closer and hid behind a large rack of beakers filled with multi-colored, foul-smelling liquids and continued to listen.

"OH-HOH-HOH, of course not, daughter!" Dad said. "You forget, your brother is the future of the Membrane Empire!"

"I still say a hamster would be better," Gaz muttered. "Besides, I doubt he'd actually want to take over your work, Dad. He wants to be a paranormal investigator, remember?"

I could feel Dad's disapproval like a physical weight on my shoulders then. I always expect it, but haven't gotten used to it yet...

"Yes, yes, he's a bit insane at the moment," Dad replied, "But don't worry! When the time comes I have no doubt that Dib will become a great scientist!"  

I ventured to peek around from behind my hiding place. There was Dad, towering over Gaz. They weren't even looking at each other. Gaz's face was down and lit blue by the glare of her game screen, while Dad was looking wistfully over her head.

"Seriously, Dad," Gaz's words were laced with blips and boops, "A hamster has a better chance of becoming a scientist than my stupid brother. I don't see why you have so much faith in him."

"Faith in your brother?" Dad chuckled. "Oh-ho, no, no, no! He'd probably try to use my position to influence the public with all his nonsense about water spouts, crop circles, cattle mutilations, sea serpents, and general flying crockery of mass hallucination and hysteria! That simply won't do!"

Gaz paused her game and actually looked up at Dad at this point. "Sooo... if you know he's going to mess up, why did you say he's the future of the empire?"

I could almost see Dad's conspiratory smile under his coat collar. "Because, daughter, it won't actually be him who's in charge!"

"...Huh?"

"I will now tell you the reason I brought you down here to speak with you. I know you like to play rough with your brother sometimes but I need you to be a little more careful from now on. You see, daughter..."

He picked her up and brought her to eye-level with him. "Dib is actually a clone of mine. I created him using my DNA in a very TOP SECRET experiment. I meant for him to be a miniature version of myself, but as you can see he's not quite there yet... No matter! I will perfect him in future versions!"

My jaw dropped. I was a what?

"I have implanted a special chip in his brain that is continuously being updated with MY data." Dad continued. "When the time comes that I am rendered mentally incapacitated by old age, disease or some horrible accident, the chip will activate and all my genius will download into his brain! That is why it is so large, you understand. It houses TWO minds in place of one!"

He brought Gaz's face forward until their noses were almost touching (if you could have seen Dad's nose). "The world NEEDS me, Gaz. And though I am a genius, I haven't yet figured out a way to make my body last forever... But through your brother I can continue in my research long after my old body and mind have become useless!"

"Tch," sneered Gaz. "I still don't see why it has to be him. His stupid voice fills me with rage! Can't you take the chip out and put it into something less annoying?"

"I'm afraid not, daughter," Dad said looking grave. "The chip is very much an integral part of your brother now. Were the chip to be removed, not only would it wipe all my data, it would cause him to lose his own memories as well. He might even die!"

Belatedly, I put my hand over my mouth to cover the gasp of  horror. But I shouldn't have worried. As usual, nobody was paying any attention to me or was even aware of my existence.

Gaz was silent for a moment "...Okay. So when your mind gets activated inside Dib, what happens to him?"

"Oh, it'll be wiped out," Dad said nonchalant. "A normally functioning brain cannot be expected to house two active minds at once without burning itself out from all the hyper electrical firings that make up the thought processes. That would defeat the purpose. The brother you know would be gone forever, replaced by ME. He will become ME, in that respect."  

"What's the difference then? If he dies or if he turns into you? He'd still be gone."

"The difference is that once disconnected, all the data on the chip would be corrupted and I'd have to create a new chip that would take years to replicate and input the same amount of memories and data as the old chip housed. I planted that chip into Dib right after he was born, and a similar one inside of my brain as well, one that sends over a constant stream of data so that my thoughts are stored in his chip at the same time they're being processed in my own. I'm too busy to do a thing over that I've done right the first time. It's impractical and I have no time for impracticalities!"

Gaz nodded slowly. "Does Dib know?"

"I haven't gotten around to telling him yet." Dad finally put her down and ran a hand through his jagged column of hair. "There's no reason to upset the boy with the news just now. We'll wait until he's a little more mature to understand the situation. His sacrifice will be for the advancement of science and the future of man-kind! I'm sure he'll understand."

"Riiight." Gaz replied, reaching out and bringing her game back into play, now that the conversation had lost her interest. "So as long as I don't kill him or cause any permanent damage I can still doom him whenever he bugs me?"

"HaHa, such amusing children I have! So glad you understand, daughter. Run along now! I might or might not be on time for supper today. Big meeting with the president of Zimbabwe, then off to Hong-Kong to demonstrate my new brand of SuperToast(c) as a breeding ground for bacteria that produce penicillin! Haha, sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't activate him early. It would certainly make it easier to be in two places at once to solve the world's problems. IT'S A GOOD THING I EXIST!"

By then, Gaz was already gone and Dad had been talking to himself for a full minute. Dad then turned and started towards the transport tubes that went straight to his jet lab. I squelched the burning desire to jump out and confront my father and tell him... to scream at him that... beg him not to...

I heard the suction noise of the tube taking in its passenger. Dad was gone.

I mechanically moved my body back up the stairs and out the door, my thoughts spinning as I heading straight to my room. I could hear the continued blipping and beeping of Gaz's GameSlave as I passed by her door. I knew we never really got along that well, but did she really hate me so much that she wouldn't mind losing me forever? I dwelled on the question and almost laughed at myself after closing my door. Of course she wouldn't care. I was just an errand boy to her, going out and buying food when there's nothing in the fridge because she's too immersed in her sad little virtual reality to do it herself.

I was suddenly very angry. Who was my father to decide that his existence was more important than mine? What gave him the right to deny me a normal, or even a paranormal life, if I so chose? How could he set up his own son to be a sacrificial avatar? Isn't he supposed to be the person I'm supposed to look to for nurture, support and guidance?

Well, okay, so not really. I've had to learn to take care of myself for the most part growing up, what with him being too busy doing great things for mankind to spend time with his own family. So what now? What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just stand by and let all this happen... let my memories get erased and let my body become someone else's vessel. But where could I go to ask for help? I wasn't wanted in the paranormal society, society in general, and now my own home felt hostile to me.

Should I just ... run away somewhere? But where on Earth would I be safe? If what Dad said is true, he could probably locate me easily using the chip in my brain, no matter where I went. I'd be this huge blinking dot on a radar map... But what if I left Earth entirely? Would the chip still be effective over a cosmic distance? But where would I go? What would I do when I got there? And... was there really no one on Earth that would miss me?

I ran through a mental list. Dad obviously saw me as a temporary thing. Gaz classified me as lower than a hamster. My teachers think I have no future. My classmates all think I'm crazy. My counselor who I thought believed me was only humoring me until he could ditch me to go into space with another group of aliens. My mother...

I stopped right there. I never really knew my mother. Every time I brought it up Dad would change the subject or suddenly have something of grave importance that demanded his attention right that second. I didn't even know if she was alive or not. Whether she'd left us because she couldn't handle the loneliness of living with Dad or if she'd gotten amnesia and had gotten lost somewhere. Did I even have a mother? Dad said I was a clone... did you need a female to produce a clone? The whole thing was depressing. I could feel myself starting to fall into despair. I clutched my head and felt like crying. Or maybe tearing my head open to smash the chip and ruin Dad's life work. Sure, I'd die, but who would get the last laugh, eh? Hehe...  

I was brought out of my morbid thoughts when I felt something wet run down my cheek. I brought my hand to my face and wiped it off, staring at it for a while. I shook my head. Why should I be the one on the defensive? Why should I be on the run like a fugitive when I haven't done anything wrong? I'm smart. I'll survive somehow, even if I'm all on my own. Who needs this dump anyway? And what has humanity ever done done for me? I'M the one that's been trying to do THEM a favor all this time. And not once has anyone ever shown any gratitude for it. They have no idea how close they've come to being enslaved almost every week! I'm the only one who even knows they're in danger from other worldly forces at all!

Maybe... maybe it's not just me. Maybe a planet that has only one person who can save it, isn't really worth saving. A planet full of high and mighty humans that so little value the lives of their fellows, find them so expendable... all life save their own.

Hmm... I might still leave Earth. I've always wanted to explore the stars someday. Oh, but I'll make sure the people remember me after I'm gone... I'll leave with a BANG! Hehe... Now I just need an escape vessel before I set my Doomsday plans into motion.

Hmm... what IS my Doomsday plan? Meh, I'll figure something out. I still have Tak's ship, but last time I tried to take control of it... things didn't turn out so well. Who else do I know that has access to outer space technology?

One face instantly came to mind. One green, smiling, egomanical face. I knew someone, but would he help? Or would I have to help myself, as is becoming the case? It would be to his benefit. He could have what was left of Earth when I was done with it.

We'll see.

-End of Monday's Journal.