Memoirs of a ZADR Priestess_1

Early morning. I was awake. It was no matter that I'd had less than the recommended 8 hours of sleep that was evident by the ever present dark circles under my eyes. I knew my mind wouldn't let me sleep again anytime soon.

I, The Apprentice to the Zim and Dib Romance Shrine, former loyal peon dubbed Darth Bandeet by Tallest Panur herself, sat up and stretched, trying to ignore the cracks and pops from my joints. It was time to perform my morning ritual.

I smiled. This was what I always looked forward to start my day with. Taking down the old posts from yesterday to put up fresh ones selected from my neatly organized vault. As I left my little hovel and approached the shrine, I spoke the words that would open it's doors to me and stepped quickly inside to where my priestly robes, staff and hat awaited. The hat was emblazoned with the Shrine's prestigious symbol in the center and even the word "ZADR" written in irken script underneath. The staff too, sported the symbol at it's head. Donning these status symbols, I set right to work, stopping first to check the guest register. Ugh...

More of the same careless drivel. People leaving their stamps of approval on the shrine's homages rather than their original sources. These infractions would have to be logged and letters of reprimand would be sent out. Then there were the visitors that left little cameras so that they might continue to observe the daily goings on within the shrine. These would be sent Thank-You-For-Your-Interest notes and information pamphlets. Last to be addressed were the membership requests. These would be sent the appropriate agreement forms to be read, filled out, signed and returned. Further down the pile was...

Ah! A message from Lutra! One of the newer attendants to the shrine, she was a hard-worker, taking on up to 50 assignments at a time, and having been given the secret words to the shrine and her own tool for stamping. I'd become very fond of her. This time we'd been talking about the recent sweep of inactive membership that had resulted in big losses for our fandom.

"Even when it seems like ZADR lost 200 members," Lutra's message began. "More people keep wanting to join."

I laughed. I thought back to a time when membership rules were more lax, when we'd been more desperate for new converts to sustain our tiny fandom and keep it alive. Now we were doing things like these sweeps that purposefully did away with large quantities of our subjects because there were too many!

"Yes, definitely," I began my reply. "This time we only lost about 130 or so, but the people just keep coming. I remember when the shrine was first established and we only posted art once a week to stretch out our limited membership's supply that I would spend hours at a time looking for Zim art that looked ZADRish and sending out invites to every artist and person who gave the ZADRish art their stamps of approval. This process took me about 3 months. I was still a new member and not even part of the ZADR staff even. Suffice it to say my gung-ho tactics earned me Tallest Panur's respect and admiration and the position I have today."

I attached another list of 50 assignments before sending the note off on it's way.

Once the tedious clerical tasks were taken care of, the fun part began. Closing my eyes, I lifted my staff and concentrated.

*ZADR*

I focused on this one thought then sent my desire out into the world of deviations. Seconds later there were thousands of hits bouncing back as my reply, as always, but most of them I already knew and ignored. It was only the first few I was interested in. I never knew what ZADR I would find or what form it would take, so whenever anything new popped up, that was where all my attention went. Speaking of which...

*What's this?* I thought as my mind latched on to a particular image and I enlarged it. It was a simple collection of pencil sketches, but shaded and well drawn. There was also random inserts of grossly caricatured ZADR fangirls in various states of nose-bleeding, head exploding ecstasy as well as a few Anti's whose faces were twisted in anger and pain.

Clearly, this was the work of non-believers. The title was further proof: "Anti-ZADR Collaboration"

I smiled as I waved my staff over the image, leaving the shrine's own stamp of approval on it. I briefly wondered how the artists would take it. Some I never heard from, some would send sincere, albeit slightly confused, thank you notes, and a few others would balk at the shrine's audacity, seemingly fit to breathe fire in righteous indignation.

These thoughts I put at the back of my mind, as I broke the spell and turned to deal with the next order of the day, the switching of the posts.

It wasn't until the next day that the answer to my question would be answered.

To be continued