Andalitebandit-6

Ynnep-san! I haven't talked to you in ages! Your art has improved so much! Thanks for checking up on me ^_^ I'm in the last phase of my teacher credential program at University and it's robbed most of my free time. I even had to give up on the ZADR club. I hope you're doing alright as well~

It's normal for families to go through periods where they don't understand each other, especially during adolescence when kids are straddling that line between childhood and adulthood and trying to create their own identity separate from their parent's wishes. This can be really tough because even though parents really do want what's best for you, their idea of what that looks like can be very different from yours. This is the time when you really need to sit down and have an honest heart-to-heart talk. If you just stay silent and keep all your negative feelings bottled up it's gonna slowly poison your relationship with your mother in the long run.

First, you're going to need to plan your strategy. Just saying whatever comes to mind can turn chaotic and frustrating very quickly. Decide what issues you wanna talk about. Put them on a piece of paper. Now try having a mental conversation with your mom in your head. What would you say and how might she respond? For example:

You: Mom, when you call me names like immature, bratty, whiny, and stuck up, I feel really sad because those words hurt my feelings. The next time you see me getting emotional, I want you to talk to me, try to understand me, and help me find out how to solve my problems.

Mom: Why don't you try NOT being an immature whiny brat instead?

If your mom said something like this to you, what would you do? Break down and cry? Get angry and call her names back? Neither of these responses would be helpful. Since the conversation is happening in your head, this gives you time to calm down and think rationally. Would it help if someone else was there to referee the conversation? Could you ask your dad? Maybe you should lay some ground rules beforehand, including "No name-calling" and then the referee can say "Stop. We agreed not to use name-calling. Please start over."

Do you think your dad might try to take your mom's side and wouldn't be a good referee? Would your sister be a better choice? Could you be your own referee? Would your mom agree to going to the local community center with you and getting a mediator or would that be too much?

You'll also want to ask your mom about her concerns about you. 

You: "What are your concerns, Mom? Help me understand what your issues or concerns are. You said you're afraid I'll grow up into a woman who asks her mother why she never bonded with me. Did you say that because you feel lonely? Do you feel like the reason we don't hang out as much is because I'm starting to love you less? Were you talking with a co-worker or see something on TV that made you worried about my future?"

One more tip, avoid blaming or attacking her. Don't say things like "You never listen to me!" or "I hate you!" because then you're no longer having a conversation... you're having an argument. Try to use 'I messages' such as 'I feel' or 'I am' as much as possible.

Once you've run through your mental conversation a few times and think you've got a calm and honest answer for as many different situations that you can think of, find a time to talk when your mom isn't doing something else(like dishes, talking on the phone, etc.) otherwise, her mind will be elsewhere and she will either get irritated or not give you her undivided attention.

Next, schedule time to speak with her. "Mom, I want to talk to you about something. When would be a good time for us to talk?" This will at least show her that you (1) recognize the importance of scheduling time to discuss an important issue with her and (2) have the maturity and initiative to come to her to discuss something. Good luck